–a short and to the point vent. it came to me as i left work eariler today–

there’s a frustration in my heart.

i feel that the dreams i’m chasing will take longer than i ever anticipated.

i see others around me growing while i’m still waiting on my backend from bussing my ass to get here. where i am now. the present.

i’m atypical, so it’s only right to view my ascent to something beyond me as a road less traveled.

i’ve always seen something more for myself — a piece of the “american” pie, if you will.

but it’s hard. it’s hard to garner support when only two or three people really show up for you consistently.

this is all coming to me as tears form in my eyes. i want to be known for who i am, just as G. i’m a personality for sure. i’m a writer who’s won awards and sharpens her pen every day.

but i can barely get a raise at work — all the while, there are rewards given to colleagues for their efforts.

part of me feels that it’s the industry i’m in. despite a somewhat fair place to work, there are things that don’t seem fair every time I look up, honestly.

i’m an emmy winner, but sometimes it comes down to me only having $300 to spend after paying my bills. i believe my place of work — my newsroom — has never had any emmys before me.

so yeah, a raise was not a thing for me this year. it comes with the territory. it’s all circumstance, right?

bullscheisse!

“no raises,” yet someone is getting a promotion… there’s a new hire here, and something else dealing with money there.

it bothers me.

(and yes, i’m not completely certain, but it could be because i am a Black, queer woman. i’ve given lots of thought to that.)

i’m getting to the point of wanting to move on. i want to move on because (and when) there’s success in my content. something takes off. whether it’s my blog, my outfit videos, or anything else i try my hand at.

hence, these moments of frustration.

but something will move. something will shake. because my dreams are more than just a picture in my head.

they’re visions of what will be. and they’re real. so fucking real.

and i claim that my reality will change so that my visions will no longer live in my mind.

they’ll be the reality i’ve always been destined for.

-signed g the e.