so yeah.

you read that right. i fucked around and found my person in this world of chaos and debauchery.

yes, it’s pipsqueak. remember her? 

let’s get into the pieces.

HOW DID YOU EVEN GET TO THIS POINT?

it took work, and it’s still a learning experience for me.

i got to this point because i took time for myself for basically a whole year. i did some work internally and got the support i needed as a queer, neurodiverse Black woman. i got to the point of a possibility of love because i really started loving myself.

and if i’m keeping it a buck, i’m still “scared,” you know?

i do my best to use my past behaviors and relationships as the lessons they are. i use all that experience to make sure i’m not slipping back into patterns and that i’m being the best version of myself — even if i make a mistake.

putting myself out there was no easy feat. nor was pipsqueak’s vetting process.

i want something real, and i didn’t want a facade as i was oh so used to. as i’ve said before, all the serious relationships i’ve been in were heterosexual. the caliber of men was never really high in my eyes, as far as the dating pool goes. so i became accustomed to niggas and bullshit.

i was used to being sold a fucking dream.

all that pain, trauma, and insecurity just compiled and compiled and compiled. it wasn’t until i really sat down and was like, “okay girl, you need to figure this shit out. you CANNOT keep feeling and behaving this way. it’s hurting you” typeshit (i talk to myself often).

i finally took myself seriously. i genuinely committed to me. i was in a relationship with myself. i didn’t even start being social until it started warming up earlier this year… so like may, frfr!?

crazy, but effective fasho.

so i got here by getting shit out the mud. i was really in tune with my wants and needs. my therapist is also someone that deserves her props because i know shawty wanted me to get out of that funk and actually live. shit, maybe even thrive.

she’s always been rooting for me. i’m more than grateful for her — and united health. that insurance!!!!!!! yes god. i’m fortunate to even have access to mental health services consistently.

anywhos, i got here because i needed this version of G.

ALRIGHT, NOW WHO’S YOUR LITTLE FRIEND?

lol i make myself laugh with some of these voices in my head.

BUUUUUT, since you wanna know so bad, she’s not my “little friend.” pipsqueak is officially my girlfriend.

(yes, i have a girlfriend. for the first time ever. still in disbelief lol.)

before i met her, my therapist told me that “maybe you don’t need to be with a man. i think you’ll be more successful with a woman.” shawty was onto something lol.

my girlfriend is a sweet person with golden retriever energy. i’ve said this before — our dynamic is like this yin and yang vibe. we balance each other out, and we’re adults who use real, transparent communication in any situation.

she’s Black, of course, with locs and puppy eyes. she has this childlike wonder thing going on lol. it’s cute. she has ADHD, making us both neurodivergent in our dynamic. that’s also a plus because i have the combo meal (AuDHD). however, there’s more autistic traits i know i exhibit and identify with.

she’s patient with me and i with her, though i have a moment or two. we both find a way to compromise if need be, and she really does her best to be direct with me due to my needed communication style.

she cares to put in an effort. she wants to. she wants to get me, and she makes that known basically every time we talk. we figure stuff out together, and she adds value to my life.

past partners never really added anything of value to what i had going for myself. over time, i learned that i don’t need someone to feed off of me. i need someone who’ll pour into me and wants to better or ease my life.

she understands that.

there’s no competition or ego. for the most part, it’s been fun getting to know her, elevating her in the simplest ways, and vice versa.

SIBEBAR BACKSTORY (CLICK HERE)

SIDEBAR BACKSTORY.

pipsqueak and i met on hinge, the dating app. yes, i was on the apps because i am an introvert, and meeting people in the wild can be a lot for me.

we matched on hinge. i sent her a rose (not sure why a rose specifically, but i sent it lol). i saw her pictures and thought she was attractive. that was around late July.

we sorta hopped right into conversation because i had “neuroqueer” in my bio. she wanted to know what that meant and it just went on from there.

the conversation was pretty good before we exchanged numbers and facetimed for the first time. i remember her calling me “adorable” as we basically talked for the first time.

as far as our first in-person meetup, i thought it would be a good idea to go to this sushi spot i like. apparently, that interaction is known as a “meet-cute?”

sushi was great fr. the energy was there, and i was going to be myself regardless. however, she matched my energy immediately. i made her laugh. people say i’m funny.

the connection we shared was new, and i wanted to explore it despite my reservations around relationships. she showed me that it’s okay to be nervous. however, she’d do whatever to reassure me.

we ended up going out to a dj mixer that i frequent, and that was cool too. we had an impromptu hangout the next day because i thought the energy was good.

we slowed down after that, though. i set some boundaries so neither of us — especially me — got too attached in a short span of time.

we really didn’t hang out unless something was intentionally planned, like a date. we’ve been going on a quite a few dates so far. we still have more coming, and i don’t think she’s going to stop planning stuff lol.

she likes to do stuff with me. i’ve been told lol.

but yeah, we met on the apps and have been getting to know each other since. we’re still learning from each other, which makes this experience better for our growth together.

SO, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT EVERYTHING?

i feel okay, ya know!?

if you asked me last year if i saw myself taking dating seriously, i would’ve basically lied lol. i wasn’t ready back then, but i chose to make those mistakes and i learned from them.

i was longing for something to feel “complete” instead of taking time to sit with myself and fulfill my own needs.

shit, i thought someone was gonna fill that gap of “love” i thought i was missing. it was just me not loving myself and caring for my own interests which created that void.

i say it a lot, but i’m so glad i’ve grown and made those mistakes.

i don’t think i would’ve even made the steps to get to where i am if i didn’t have a true wake-up call.

i’m grateful for that.

i believe i’m shitting on niggas where i am now. like, i’m elevating yet again. elevating and evolving. that feels so empowering, i think lol.

i’m so fortunate because i am who i am.

looking back, i honestly want to hug the older versions of myself. there was so much she didn’t know. there was so much put on her whether by choice or not.

she worked hard so this version could have some stability. like, i busted my ass to be able to love and feel again. it’s an overwhelm of feelings as i’m typing this, honestly.

so i feel fulfilled right now. i’m satisfied with my growth thus far, but i’m not complacent. there’s more to achieve — however, i’m just basking in the satisfaction of the moment.

IN CONCLUSION…

i have a girlfriend. my very first lol.

did i see this for myself? or know that i was queer, specifically? no to both questions. not because i didn’t feel it, but because i was raised a certain way, and Black families can be judgmental of things outside of traditional, heterosexual norms.

i don’t think i really considered me coming out and identifying as queer until maybe after graduating from undergrad. so about three years ago. (i came out officially this year during pride month lol).

of course, there was an inkling lol.

i just thought i’d be cast out or not accepted by my family. But, that was when i “needed” their approval for a life they’re not living. plus, i needed to unravel the threads of my mental state.

i didn’t take my sexuality seriously, you know!? and that hurt me… a lot. plus, just not knowing about my brain being atypical and what came with that.

i’m fortunate to have met pipsqueak because she’s been very accepting of me finding my way when it comes to wuhluhwuh (wlw/women loving women) relationships. she’s the experienced one, and she’s willing to be somewhat of a teacher lol.

it feels good to says that she’s the Irina to my Karasuma.

our date is november fifth, twenty twenty-five (11/05/2025).

-signed g the e.