it’s been over a month since i’ve last met your acquaintance here on my blog. a lot has transpired, and i want to get back into my groove of creating.

life has just been… interesting.

SINCE WE LAST SPOKE

i went on a well-needed rant about a man who basically played in my face last year. that experience taught me something, honestly. though i am attracted to men as a queer person, i don’t think i’ll date them anymore. or—unless there’s an overhaul of all of them and more are produced under a matriarchy. then, and only then, would i even consider giving a man a partial glance.

i don’t like men, and i’ll continue waving my misandrist flag proudly.

i also still seemed doubtful in the realm of dating. but i was making an effort at the time. and truthfully? i still am.

it’s different, though. i have a better understanding of who i am. i literally learn something new about myself every day now. i’m grateful to myself and my therapist for getting me to this point, forreal. being in a newer, healthier mindset has given me a freedom i was longing for.

SO WHAT’S TEA?

september was a trying month—october too. the weather started its transition, and i was laying the foundation for a potential partner. and i met them on hinge late in july. dating was already in mind (because, its a dating app lol), but there was no rush at all.

thinking back, we linked for sushi as our “meet-cute.” the energy was great, and i’ve felt a mix of things since then. good things, i think.

the person is not a man either. thank god. i’m nearing a serious relationship with a lady who calls herself a “sassy stud.” granted, her labeling herself that didn’t matter to me—but she definitely lives up to it lol.

(we’ll call her pipsqueak, the undesignated nickname i’ve held onto.)

i like her. she definitely likes me, and she’s made that clear. i appreciate that.

so far it’s been just over three months of our courting situation, and there’s been talk of something serious. i’m taking my time because i want to be sure.

as i’m writing, something lingering in my mind is the idea of it all being fake. i’m so accustomed to past partners dropping their facades once they’ve gotten you where they want you—usually after a few months of being serious or after sex. those past partners revealed themselves to me, and it hurt. a lot.

i don’t want that to be the case with pipsqueak.

and i don’t think it will be—but would i be me if i didn’t think deeply about everything i’m doing? especially dating??

that’s where my anxiety sits. i don’t want her to change or get too comfortable. though we’ve had conflicts, we’ve handled them as adults and maintained our connection. it’s actually strengthened our chemistry.

i appreciate that.

(sidebar: when i wrote this draft like two three week ago with intentions to post it then. so it wouldve been more timely buuuuuuuttttt yeaaaauuh lol.)

SO WHY HER?

well… i’m in a space where i wouldn’t mind being with someone again. i wouldn’t mind being with pipsqueak. she’s taken her time to get to know me, and i’ve done the same. she’s seen me break down when overstimulated. she’s open about how she feels. she really tries to be present with me.

our communication is great—probably the best i’ve experienced with a potential partner. i’m grateful for that. i need that.

we balance each other out. we’re both neurodivergent. she has adhd, and i have the combo meal—audhd.

she’s the overly social golden retriever who likes to lead but also wants me to take direction sometimes. (sidebar: i think she likes when i’m in charge.) i, on the other hand, am the mysterious black cat who keeps her on her toes but purrs when comfortable.

balance.

i’m attracted to the effort she puts in. my personality has intimidated past partners—but not her. i strike a little fear in her heart, but it’s in good taste. and while i love predictability, i like that she finds me positively unpredictable.

we also have good banter. she gets my literal humor, and she’s not intimidated by my bluntness.

she’s the irina to my karasuma, ya know?

OTHER UPDATES

i’m getting back into fashion content. i’ll still stream when the urge hits, but i’m posting on instagram again. i’m nervous because people love to watch and not engage.

like, i have nearly 200 people watching my stories, but y’all can’t join a stream or share a post? be serious.

but i’m putting my best foot forward. i’m focusing on styling myself and recording the fits. that’s my task: don’t get caught up in the superficial part of it.

i see more for myself. especially heading into 2026, i think there will be a shift in my career. i want to get dressed for a living and talk about my interests. that’s my calling.

and i’ll get there. i’ve started over a lot since undergrad. but this time feels different. this feels like my moment. again. forreal.

i feel it. i’m claiming it.

i’ll likely still use my journalistic chops in whatever’s next. it will happen because i believe it will. my current career as a public radio reporter is fine, but the organization feels shaky given the political climate.

2026 will be transformative for my physical circumstances, as i continue evolving emotionally and mentally this year.

IN CONCLUSION…

i’m back to writing about my life and interests. i’m taking in where i am in my personal growth journey, and i’ve really grown to handle myself with more care and grace.

shoutout to me, typeshit.

i’m slowly doing the things, getting back into content and social media. i’ll stream as i ebb and flow. i’ve posted a couple reels of recent outfits—nothing wild. i’m easing into it. it’s taken me 24 years to slow down and live in the moment. i’m grateful i don’t look like what i’ve been through.

if you made it to the end, thank you. please share and keep reading. i might start posting about the blog more on socials so we can talk through some of these posts with more context (for when i don’t feel like writing an essay lol).

(sidebar: my socials are linked at the top of this post… go ahead and follow me. thankgyaaah.)

looking forward to seeing what my brain has in store as we enter winter.

-signed g the e.