today’s post is will brief.

i’ve been gone for a while, but i do have something to get off my chest.

so, last summer i was getting into dating. and there was this girl. (i will not be naming names lol).

and things were going okay. however, i was reeling from a very, very harsh break up that i’ve mentioned on this blog one too many times.

when i met her i think i was getting somewhat over a situationship thing with a guy. i told her up from about me still liking and being attracted to men.

i also told her that i wasnt ready for anything serious at the time.

i thought she understood all of this. i was very clear with those two things from my recollection.

so, it was going okay for a little while however i believe my mental capacity was overwhelmed. i was not one who could really handle dating or being sexual with multiple people at the same time.

i’ve learned from that. for sure.

anywhos. i needed to step away becuase i believe she started taking me more serious than anticipated. i agree that we liked each other, but i just wasnt ready ya know!?

i remeber an instance when we were talking at her place, and the whole men thing came up. she asked me about her calling me her “girlfriend,” and i told her basically “like nah.” i also reiterated i those moments that i was ready and still was considering men at the time.

very clear and honest, no!?

so, again, i was overwhelmed with a lot last year. so much so that i ended up taking a “hiatus” from people overall. i really just went inward.

so,she and i fell out over the course of my hiatus. once i was getting back out of my shell (i am a cencer lol), i had met someone new. a man unfortunately.

she, on the other hand, had got into a relationship with a woman. she was non-monogamous at the time, and had a boyfriend when we met initially met. (the way i met him was kinda crazy honestly).

however, i was preoccupied with someone else who i thought had a legit chance with me. i was wrong, but that’s besides the point, right!?

so fast forward to this year, the girl and i were keeping it very cordial. we were like internet friends. we met up once for lunch but it wasnt too much. it was fine, thoguh i’m glad i didnt link her gain after that.

so, eventually, i got better mentally and got to a point of attempting to be more social. this was when i felt more comfortable with my queerness and my neruodivergence.

my therapist and i talked about dating women more. becuase, and i can’t stress this enough, i hate men despite being attracted to them. so, we made that decision to put myself in more queer and sapphic spaces.

at the same time, my therpist thought ‘maybe it would be koay to try again with the girl!?’ i also thought this based on my growth and the way things ened between she and i.

so, i said ‘fuck it.’

i am very direct, blunt, and transparent person. of course, when my therapist said ‘ease into it,’ i ignored her. so, i jus ended up asking her straight up forreal.

i messaged her and it was fine at first.

she told me that she had recently broken up with her partners, and needed some time to grieve. i was cool with that becuase i know how it goes. like you need tht time especially if you’ve gotten really attached or been with someone for a while.

mind you, i was still doing me typeshit. i defintely was not about to wait around for her. like come one now. but she was somewhat in the back of my mind if she did come around and i still in the place of wanting her in a more serious way.

once she told me she needed time, i was cool and left it at that i think. my recollection is unclear if we exchanged further corresponce or not.

that was maybe in july!? so time goes on, i continue being G, just like the letter. my life is progressing. things are pretty stable and i somewhat start anew when i turned twenty-five.

so around the end of july or early august, i met someone. a lady. you know you do as one does when getting to know someone new, and ask questions–shoot the shit basically.

and around that same time, shawty who was aforementioned, she posted a video on tiktok. yes, we were following each other. i really didnt care or think anything of it forreal.

said video was of her and her “ex” partner. the female one at that.

right.

so, i see that video and i’m just like “oh!” why tell me or like acknolwdge my “second chance” question or offer, when you’re literally still fucking with your ex!?

like, are we being forreal? is our critial thinking not critial enough!?

so honestly, this why i’m making a blog post. its not like i care forreal forreal. i think its more about the principle for me.

don’t say things you don’t mean and if you do, correct that shit. becuase we’re grown and i dont need anyone thinking they can play me at all.

so, i thought i’d just air this grievance. and shit, it feels nice.

i’m also glad that i’m just blogging in general honestly. like i said, its been a while. i also streamed this blogging session on youtube, and i hope folks enjoyed.

in conclusion, i don’t like to be toyed with. remember, i was forced to learn the game becuase i was dating men for twenty-four years. so, you could never play me.

honestly, i may be the coach.

-signed g the e.