wassup, folks!
it’s been a while, right? the last time i blogged was at the end of january. a lot has changed since then, folks.
i’ve written some more poetry. i’ve been working on me and how to reconnect with my inner child. shit, i’m trying to survive most days, and other times, i feel close to living, ya know!?
i haven’t reached the pinnacle yet—thriving.
every day is a flow or cycle of (ego) death, survival, and kinda living.
and that’s why i’ve been away for a while.
my career has picked up some steam on top of it all. working in news can and will drain you, so i have to really work with myself on how to approach everything in my life.
obviously, consistency does not look the same for me as it does for others—being neurodivergent and all.
still, there are things to acknowledge, even if they’re small. i started sleeping in my bed. i haven’t done that consistently in over a year or two. i also washed my dishes that had piled up over a few weeks.
small victories—ones that tend to go unnoticed when all you can hear is the worry and thoughts that run a marathon in my head sometimes. that’s improving, though, too.
i started taking meds in january for my mood. i was diagnosed with depression and was prescribed a mood stabilizer. it’s been about a month or so since i started them, and i do see a difference.
the meds help with controlling emotions and slow down how much brain activity is happening. so, overthinking all the time is more like sometimes now. i don’t wake up sad as much. i still cry… often. it just doesn’t happen multiple times a day, ya know!?
anywhos.
i’ve been in my element. my bubble. my lair.
do i get or feel lonely at times? fasho. however, i’d rather spend this time alone because i’ve spent at least ten or so years chasing the fallacy of “love,” or “romantic partnership” (whatever lol).
i, personally, believe love is a construct designed to cage women from the experiences of defining their self-perception and personal autonomy.
i heard someone say that “men are told to be someone while women are told to find someone.” that sentiment is bullshit—let’s be real.
women are smarter than men by several miles. men know this, so they make us, women, feel as if we are inferior—hence pay gaps and gender discrimination, for example.
i say that to say: i’ve acquired a strong distaste for males and their innate primal instincts. they lack empathy by design, and women are “made” unaware of their own strength in the name of patriarchy.
to close, i’m doing my best to visualize a freer space and awareness as i travel through my mental health journey. i’m working with my therapist to improve my coping and release trauma.
it’s tough, folks. still, i am grateful to be in this space.
i’m single, young, gifted, and Black. i’m my own motivating force within my life, and i’m glad that the shattered pieces of my mind will eventually be a priceless work of stained glass art.
– signed, g tha e.
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