the depths of my soul are where i feel.
every emotion intense and ever-present.
what should be an ebb and flow is more like a harsh blizzard.
freezing me wherever, whenever the wind howls.
the snow falling as sadness sets in.
while anger ices over my veins.
consumed as if my mind was alaska.
frostbitten trails stain my cheeks.
always in the cold, a single arctic fox.
yearning for the warmth of freedom beyond the icy scape.
no one to break me out of my once rimy physique,
now a sculpture carved with only hopes of childlike joy.
this debut poem lets you into my mental scape during an overwhelming period in my life. i wrote this piece from pure emotions, as i do with everything, and it shows some of layered complexities i’m learning to embrace.
i wrote this piece, frostbitten, on december 11th, 2024. on that particular date, i was emotional overwhelmed by a number of things happening in my life.
a few days to a week or so prior, I confronted my parents about this “pressure to be perfect” and like gain their approval on my life. i carried that “perfect image” idea for so long that it became my personality. as far as outward acknowledgement, i felt it was coming at any time in my adulthood, however i guess just sooner than i anticipated.
at the same time, the weight of my sadness was compounded. i was still processing the betrayal of a serious relationship from 2023, and the burn of a more recent dating experience.
my last committed relationship ended in infidelity while the more recent dating experience ended because of my mental health challenges and a lack of willingness from the other person. it just felt like people never truly wanted to stick around.
all those emotions, thoughts, and moments wrapped up into the words of this poem. as i wrote this, i mainly felt layers of hurt, frustrated, anxious, and fatigue.
the hurt came from thinking i’d have someone that truly understood me only for me to be and feel abandoned again while i’m actively taking the steps to get better.
my frustration came from having so many questions but no answers. like i was frozen in this state at times. i was also upset with my parents, my dad specifically. I found out later that he was upset with me that i had a therapist. why would i bring my issues to you when judgement is your first reaction?
being anxious and tired was my norm. i worked so hard last year, getting my master’s along the way too. i felt like my natural state was worrying about something. that tension burning a hole in my lower back and shoulders. it was everyday, waking up feeling something and it consuming me .
i still having my struggles now. i feel everything as if it just happened.
my sensitivity is superpower so i’m told. still, being who i am demands a certain level of care that i can only give to myself. and that’s where my energy is spent now.
i really hope that ‘frostbitten” invokes some sort of emotion in you. writing is how i cope with the ups and downs of my journey, and i wanted to share that today.
this piece may become part of a collection of works i’m building, highlighting self-acceptance and my complexities.
we’ll see.
-signed g tha e.
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